The top five LIES I was told about my baby.

Some time during pregnancy, you will understandably Google quite a bit and read up on afew topics to equip you with the knowledge to care for your baby. These are all genuine things I read, either online or in magazines or was told in person that are completely untrue...

1. "Wind isn't a big a deal as everybody thinks it is, if your baby falls asleep during a feed there is no need to wind him".

Bollocks. Absolute bollocks, putting my child down without winding him would result in the most horrific cry imaginable afew minutes later - and yes pet it is a big deal if your baby is howling with a tummy pain. 

2. "This way of holding your baby is guaranteed to stop crying every single time" 

Really that's interesting because I've been doing it for the last HOUR and my baby is still fucking purple! 

3. "Well at least you always know they're only ever crying for food sleep or nappy change" 

Oh is that true you childless oaf? Have you heard of colic, teething, separation anxiety or reflux? (To name afew!) Easy for you to say tucked up in bed at 4am while I attempt to soothe a baby for the 10th consecutive hour and Google adoption sites with my free hand. 

4. "Looking into their eyes is the best thing ever" 

Partially true. But when you're sneaking away from a cot and their eyes fly open let's face it you're a rabbit in headlights and they're Annie Oakley with a clean shot at you! 

5. "9/10 mums recommend them"

Ok granted this one is fairly generic but it's the most untrue of all! Companies that sell baby products are selfish lying bastards who want to make money. 

There are so many USELESS products out there and the ones that do work don't work for every child! We have tried EVERY teething product on the market (I shit you not - gels, liquids, powders, medicines, cloths, toys, rings, dummies, dummy rings, the lot!!) And nothing has worked for my son like other mums say it has for theirs. So either we have a bunch of lying mummies who are paid by the company to promote the product or every child is different and recommendations are all to be taken with a pinch of salt! 

Apologies for the swearing in this article but I needed a vent, infact I plan to be a lot more sweary in future so unfollow me now if it's a problem!