My maternity leave is officially over. On Monday I will be gathering my folders and pens and post it notes and returning to work. Lots of mummies choose not to return and if they do they do so reluctantly. I can't quite make that claim.
When I was pregnant I felt like the most popular girl in the world. I worked full time where people constantly checked on my health and wellbeing, people checked on the progression of my pregnancy by text, Facebook and in person. I was spoiled rotten at my baby shower and spent time chatting to old friends and colleagues who were due around the time as me.
So it was a bit of a shock when, around five months after Martins birth I found myself completely and utterly alone.
My husband generally works mon-fri as does my best friend and my Mam. I'd made one close friend at a baby group but sadly she returned to work mon-fri too.
My sister is off during the week but is always on the go (infact usually double books herself!) and all of the people I'd been so looking forward to catching up with suddenly seemed uninterested!
Ironically, some of my weekends have been exhaustingly jam packed. Whereas I probably should be using the time to have a rest I spent the time trying to fit everyone in at once (as well as Zumba on Saturday and baby yoga on Sunday!) as if this will somehow make up for the mid week loneliness that comes as a result of having not much to do!
Get yourself to baby groups I hear you cry! Well did you know very few of these are free? And after 7 months on maternity the budget is getting very tight (well let's face it there's just no money left!) and ALL of the low cost/free ones seem to be on at 9am when infact Martin is likely to still be asleep if we've had a rough night. If he's not asleep the odds of me having us both breakfasted, ready and out the door for 8.45 are pretty slim!
I will actually be pretty pleased to return to work for some adult conversation, hot cups of tea, an actual lunch break and a 30 minute commute where I don't actually have to listen to Winnie the sodding Pooh! It does however make me sad that quite a lot of people have not bothered to see me, or even meet my child whilst I've spent 9 months doing pretty much nothing. I've removed the people who can't be arsed with my child off Facebook already but should anyone get in touch for a coffee or a catch up, quite frankly I will ask them where the hell they've been for the last nine months!!
I do have a pang of guilt when I hear other mummies say they took the whole year because "you don't get this time again" or they couldn't return to work because their child is "too precious" but I'm sure the best thing for my son is to have a happy mam! At his baptism last week I had just three friends present. Although rather sad at least I can say I have three solid friends I can rely on. (The type you could call at 3am if you needed to).
If you take one thing from this blog, please be kind to any new mummies you may know, particularly as PND affects 1 in 5, there will be much lonelier mummies out there than me.
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