Confident and Capable Parenting...

So Martin and I saw a dietician recently who called me a "confident and capable parent" I do wonder what she would of thought of this Friday trip to hell and back...

6.15 am and I'm trudging down the stairs to make a bottle. Our beloved perfect prep machine died last week (R.I.P) and the bastards at Tommee Tippee won't give us a replacement so I'm back to the good old kettle. 

When he wakes my son gives me the most angelic smile, probably to lure me into a false sense of security as when I try to change his nappy all hell breaks loose! 

For those of you that are unfamiliar imagine you are underwater and have grabbed a squid by two tentacles and they thrash wildly you attempt to put a nappy on.

In fact I think I think changing Martin is harder and that's before we start the wrestling match that is putting clothes on. 

This time imagine it's a squid and you're trying to put it in dungarees...

So eventually we head downstairs for breakfast (I'm already exhausted).

Martin is dairy intolerant, I'm constantly searching for new food ideas in order to give him a balanced diet so today I popped some cinnamon and raisin toasties in for him that looked lovely. In the last six months I have pulled out of Martin's mouth...

1. A pound coin

2. Pieces of dried dog food

3. Paper and card

4. A piece of blue plastic 

But when presented with the cinnamon toastie he looked like I'd tried to poison him. 

Prodding, poking and ultimately throwing it on the floor. 

Lately he's been laughing when I put my face close to his so I did that once he'd finished to get a giggle.

WHAM!

I'm seeing stars....

Full on head butt. 

Eyes watering...

I look at Martin and he bursts into tears. Poor bugger must have hurt his rock hard skull on my soft squishy nose. 

After an uneventful dog walk I reluctantly boil the kettle for another bottle cursing Tommee Tippee under my breath as I go. 

I leave Martin standing in the hallway for approximately 30 seconds whilst I pack the bottle into his bag.

I note that he has acquired some sort of white crap on his maroon jeans in this 30 second window and bend down to pick him up. We are running 5 minutes late but that's ok. I bend down to swoop him up and the stench of shit fills my nostrils. Time to wrestle a mermaid followed immediately by a squid... 

Playgroup done and dusted and I'm looking after my niece for the afternoon. She is so delightful, last time she prodded me in the belly and said "Why is your tummy still fat even though Martin isn't in it any more? I go see my mammies friends after their babies come out and their tummies are nice and flat!" 

She's four folks. 

Icing on the cake of my awful day was getting poo on my thumb! (Under the nail too!!) and the cherry on top was the magical, joyous moment that Martin said his first proper word.... 

Yep you've guessed it...

"Dad"

Child's Farm

In one of the many baby events that I shopped in during pregnancy I stocked up on a well known brand of baby bath products. I won't mention names but it is THE brand that springs to mind when you think baby products.

There was daytime bath, night-time bath, lotion, talc, shampoo and nappy cream, all of which I received samples of during pregnancy too, my cupboard was well stocked!

During a routine health visitor check I asked for rash advice as my son had struggled with mystery rashes from a very young age. The health visitor immediately told me what brand I'd been using.

"Its awful stuff" were her exact words as it was too harsh for babies skin.

I was mortified, wasn't this what everybody used?!

I then tried a few different brands (with extreme caution) fragrance free and all that jazz, and then my friend introduced me to Child's Farm.

She'd become an ambassador for them and gave me a sample of tangerine bubble bath.

I literally wanted to eat the bubbles! The smell was so amazing, my husband and I fought over who was getting in with my son! And as it's hypoallergenic and designed especially for sensitive skin, no rash either!

Child's Farm do an amazing range, even sun cream (my husband even took our sun cream samples in his bag a charity golf day!) My absolute favourite has to be the baby oil, it smells of holidays and doesn't leave your skin greasy at all. (I say this from personal experience because I've been so busy getting the hubby to rub my shoulders with it that it is yet to be used on my son!!)

I was so impressed that I became an ambassador for them myself and get to share free samples with my other mummy friends (we recently got their new baby range to try and its lovely too)

If you would like to try Childs Farm please visit their website I have a lovely 30% off code for you, just enter CFAMB145 at the checkout!

Quick Disclaimer: Childs Farm have not asked me to write this post, nor am I paid to be an ambassador! I just really like the products!

Easy labour

A fellow c section mummy informed me she'd been told that she'd had it easy and not had a real birth because her baby was born by c section. It's played on my mind for some time so I wrote this in response...

Don't tell me I've had it easy. 

You suffered contractions and pain for hours at a time. You pushed a human out of your body, you were tested to your absolute limits I understand.

But don't tell me I had it easy.

After 32 hours of labour, the terrifying 4 and a half hour wait to go down to theatre was not easy. 

Lying flat on a cold operating table surrounded by a masked medical team. Feeling somebody's hands inside you, pushing, pulling and tugging was not easy. 

Hearing a baby cry, from behind a screen was simultaneously the best and worst experience of my life. I wanted to jump off the table and grab him.

Seeing him put into my husbands arms instead of mine was not easy. 

The wait for the surgeon to put my bladder and bowel back in and stitch the seven layers of muscle back up so I could finally hold him was not easy. 

Holding him was easy, snuggling his tiny body on my chest was easy, natural, wonderful. 

Trying to breast feed was not easy, but I believe it's not easy for most of us. 

When your baby cried in the night you were sore and possibly bearing stitches. But I bet you got to your child a hell of a lot faster than I got to mine. That was most certainly not easy. 

Dragging my swollen sausage stump legs out of bed was not easy, I had to use both hands to pick a leg up most days. 

The 45 blood thinning injections were also not easy. The sepsis that nearly killed me was definitely not fun. 

I envied the ladies who had natural births, they seemed to stroll back from the labour ward and with proud looks on their faces. But guess what? I did not tell them they'd had it easy because I don't believe it ever is.  

Me myself and mini me.

My maternity leave is officially over. On Monday I will be gathering my folders and pens and post it notes and returning to work. Lots of mummies choose not to return and if they do they do so reluctantly. I can't quite make that claim. 

When I was pregnant I felt like the most popular girl in the world. I worked full time where people constantly checked on my health and wellbeing, people checked on the progression of my pregnancy by text, Facebook and in person. I was spoiled rotten at my baby shower and spent time chatting to old friends and colleagues who were due around the time as me. 

So it was a bit of a shock when, around five months after Martins birth I found myself completely and utterly alone. 

My husband generally works mon-fri as does my best friend and my Mam. I'd made one close friend at a baby group but sadly she returned to work mon-fri too. 

My sister is off during the week but is always on the go (infact usually double books herself!) and all of the people I'd been so looking forward to catching up with suddenly seemed uninterested! 

Ironically, some of my weekends have been exhaustingly jam packed. Whereas I probably should be using the time to have a rest I spent the time trying to fit everyone in at once (as well as Zumba on Saturday and baby yoga on Sunday!) as if this will somehow make up for the mid week loneliness that comes as a result of having not much to do! 

Get yourself to baby groups I hear you cry! Well did you know very few of these are free? And after 7 months on maternity the budget is getting very tight (well let's face it there's just no money left!) and ALL of the low cost/free ones seem to be on at 9am when infact Martin is likely to still be asleep if we've had a rough night. If he's not asleep the odds of me having us both breakfasted, ready and out the door for 8.45 are pretty slim! 

I will actually be pretty pleased to return to work for some adult conversation, hot cups of tea, an actual lunch break and a 30 minute commute where I don't actually have to listen to Winnie the sodding Pooh! It does however make me sad that quite a lot of people have not bothered to see me, or even meet my child whilst I've spent 9 months doing pretty much nothing. I've removed the people who can't be arsed with my child off Facebook already but should anyone get in touch for a coffee or a catch up, quite frankly I will ask them where the hell they've been for the last nine months!! 

I do have a pang of guilt when I hear other mummies say they took the whole year because "you don't get this time again" or they couldn't return to work because their child is "too precious" but I'm sure the best thing for my son is to have a happy mam! At his baptism last week I had just three friends present. Although rather sad at least I can say I have three solid friends I can rely on. (The type you could call at 3am if you needed to). 

If you take one thing from this blog, please be kind to any new mummies you may know, particularly as PND affects 1 in 5, there will be much lonelier mummies out there than me. 

The top five LIES I was told about my baby.

Some time during pregnancy, you will understandably Google quite a bit and read up on afew topics to equip you with the knowledge to care for your baby. These are all genuine things I read, either online or in magazines or was told in person that are completely untrue...

1. "Wind isn't a big a deal as everybody thinks it is, if your baby falls asleep during a feed there is no need to wind him".

Bollocks. Absolute bollocks, putting my child down without winding him would result in the most horrific cry imaginable afew minutes later - and yes pet it is a big deal if your baby is howling with a tummy pain. 

2. "This way of holding your baby is guaranteed to stop crying every single time" 

Really that's interesting because I've been doing it for the last HOUR and my baby is still fucking purple! 

3. "Well at least you always know they're only ever crying for food sleep or nappy change" 

Oh is that true you childless oaf? Have you heard of colic, teething, separation anxiety or reflux? (To name afew!) Easy for you to say tucked up in bed at 4am while I attempt to soothe a baby for the 10th consecutive hour and Google adoption sites with my free hand. 

4. "Looking into their eyes is the best thing ever" 

Partially true. But when you're sneaking away from a cot and their eyes fly open let's face it you're a rabbit in headlights and they're Annie Oakley with a clean shot at you! 

5. "9/10 mums recommend them"

Ok granted this one is fairly generic but it's the most untrue of all! Companies that sell baby products are selfish lying bastards who want to make money. 

There are so many USELESS products out there and the ones that do work don't work for every child! We have tried EVERY teething product on the market (I shit you not - gels, liquids, powders, medicines, cloths, toys, rings, dummies, dummy rings, the lot!!) And nothing has worked for my son like other mums say it has for theirs. So either we have a bunch of lying mummies who are paid by the company to promote the product or every child is different and recommendations are all to be taken with a pinch of salt! 

Apologies for the swearing in this article but I needed a vent, infact I plan to be a lot more sweary in future so unfollow me now if it's a problem! 

Motherhood...the real deal.

I once saw a work colleague who had returned from maternity since I last saw her and asked her how motherhood was. "It's HARD work" she said "I love it, but it's hard work". I was a bit taken aback by this response, wasn't motherhood a joy? Why was she finding it hard? I wondered if there was some hidden circumstance I didn't know about. 

Of course, now I completely understand what she meant, she was simply being honest!! 

As children we play with dolls, presumably because of a subconscious need, even as toddlers to nurture someone smaller and less capable than ourselves. The beauty of this being dolls are silent, don't answer back and definitely sleep through the night! To the casual observer, motherhood can look like dolls play, cuddles and nursing and bottle feeding seem easy if you haven't got a precious bundle of your own. I can't count the sceptical looks I've had when telling tales of martins colic as he was always so calm and settled during the day! 

Yes I adore my child, I love his smiles and giggles and watching him grow. But it all comes as a price. I have to sing three songs to get a smile, tickle just the right spot to make him giggle and all the while washing, cleaning, cooking and trying to keep us all fed and clothed on an incredibly tight budget! There's also nappies to change, I'm vomited on daily, weed on occasionally and now have the joys of having my hair pulled every day! Making bottles is preceded by washing and sterilising, monitoring intake, worrying about said intake. In fact worrying about everything, spending hundreds on potions for wind and cradle cap shampoo and teething remedies. I once spent £11.40 on a colic remedy that we used once and didn't work! 

So it's expensive too, no mother would ever deprive their baby but did Fi-fi Trixabelle really grow up healthier because her parents could afford blankets hand knitted by blind Tibetan nuns? No. There is so substitute for your time affection and attention. Unbelievably there are so many products for sale that actually HARM babies, yet they are readily available for sale! So the amount of research you have to do on these things is unreal (thank god for google). I find myself pouring over constipation advice and baby led weaning tips at 3am when I really should be sleeping! 

It's not a decision to be taken lightly, motherhood is the toughest job you'll ever do, on the lowest pay of your life. 

But unbelievably worth it!!